Sara Rajawat

I know Yuvraaj inside out. Despite only spending six months with him as his wife, I know him like the back of my hand. He's very easy to read. It's because he never lets you peek in far enough into his mind to reveal the incomprehensible. He might feel a hundred different emotions inside but he won't ever show them openly. He's so predictable because he's so closed off, using measured words, calculated actions, and predetermined reactions. You should expect rage when you break one of his rules, disappointment when you speak against him and praise when you do something exactly the way he expects you to do. Understanding him is easy, it's unraveling him that's hard. And I never went that far during our temporary arrangement. We might have shed our clothes off, but we might as well have been strangers that night, and he proved that by walking out on me the next morning.

That I expected, I only hoped against it.

"Marry me, Sara."

This I did not expect.

It came to me so abruptly I didn't have enough time to process the shock of it. The idea pedaled through my mind and the disgust came naturally like the back wheel. It was insensitive of me, I understand that now. But it was what I truly felt. And I don't plan to sugarcoat my reality anymore. The thought of marrying Yuvraaj again is nothing short of detesting. I've lived through that horror once, he can't think I'm stupid enough to go through with that again.

There's nothing to ponder honestly.

I shouldn't even be entertaining the thought, it's the absurdity of it that keeps the idea circulating in my head. I would have laughed it off if I hadn't seen the vulnerability in his eyes when I realised he was starting to feel something deeper for me. He was never the man of emotions. He's all emotions now. With his eyes, through his actions, spoken in his words, lingering in his slow, intentionally unintentional touches.

"How are we going to compete with Icon for next month's edition?"

The nib of my pen scribbles across the presentation file aimlessly. I called for an adjunct meeting to brainstorm ideas for our next month's edition since we're almost done for this one. It's an extra work everyone's willing to do before the festival season hits. Once that happens, everyone will be outside the office more and in the office less.

"Oh c'mon, we're only halfway through September and they already have next month's plan ready? Give me a break!"

I look at the annoyed faces of my team, none of them even covertly trying to hide their dislike towards our rising competitor. I hate how wrong I was about Icon. I've been in this industry for over a decade. I keep an eye on all of our competitors. Missing Icon's potential was not a mistake, it was my overconfidence. I underestimated them. Even when Yuvraaj challenged me, I pitied him, thinking the man was riding a donkey wearing the guise of a horse. It, in fact, is a horse, and the fastest one at that. Regardless of the fact that it started the race much later, it's so close to the finish line to make it to the top three once again. It's like history is repeating itself. Icon was the hottest and the only choice for fashion and lifestyle enthusiasts back in the nineties. I remember losing my wits every time the new edition would hit the racks.

Ironically, Icon started my love for magazines.

All the other magazines paled in comparison to Icon.

Icon offered the most variety. From sports to music. From theatre to movies. From having the most popular supermodels like Cindy Crawford on their magazine cover pages, to featuring interviews of personalities such as Karl Lagerfeld and Stan Lee. Basically, everything that was popular in the nineties, Icon covered it all. The beauty pageants, award ceremonies, fashion shows, sports events, they issued monthly editions for every chosen interest of the public. Icon showed you a glimpse of the world that sparkled so far away you knew it'd never come close to even touching the tip of your fingers.

Then it went downhill after Nandini Chauhan's death.

Icon disappeared from the market in less than five years.

The newer generation never knew the existence of such an iconic magazine. The world opened to India and all the international magazines claimed the empty market, Muse being one of them.

Now entirely a decade later, it's coming back on top. And it's her son making that happen. No wonder Nandini Chauhan birthed that prodigy. There's nothing that man is not good at. Music just happened to be his first choice, just never the only.

I wonder what happened to his piano. He always kept it in the storage room, along with his guitar, away from his sight, far from the threshold of his dreams. But one night Agastya and Arush had gone in there, playing their usual game of hide and seek, and discovered the closed guitar case, taking the instrument out and playing with it until the strings broke. I remember them being so terrified of their brother's anger they stayed inside the room until the time of the dinner. We found them sobbing on the floor, apologising profusely because they were naughty. They didn't mean to break the pretty instrument, ultimately putting the blame on each other to escape their brother's scathing fury. To everyone's surprise, he had simply scooped the two boys in his arms, told the maid to throw the guitar out and carried his siblings back to their rooms. The guitar never returned, and the case remained empty and open next to the abandoned piano forever.

I cannot imagine giving up on dancing like he gave up on music. But he did that for his siblings. And I know I'd do everything for my sister. I'm doing everything for my sister. We're so similar in some ways but so contrasting in many others.

"Marry me, Sara,"

Shaking my head, I exhale a sigh.

"Don't worry, ma'am, we'll come up with something amazing too,"

Blinking out of my reverie, I look up at the determined faces of my team. They were looking hopeless and helpless just a minute ago. Shit, was I really too deep into my thoughts to focus on the meeting? I need to get my head straight. I'm in the office. As a boss, what example will I be setting for my peers if I'm caught slacking off?

"We sure will." I flash them a professional smile. "Let's take a break," announcing the break, I grab my notebook and pen, flip open the writing pad and leave the meeting room instantly.

I've to go pick up Leigh and Masie from the airport this evening. She insisted I don't, calling it a hassle on my end. Since she was too stubborn about it, I said I won't come, but I'm planning to surprise her with my arrival. I'll also help her settle in at her new place. It's in Rajgarh and I have no idea why she rented out a place outside of Jaigarh when I remember her saying she had work in the city I'm living in. I offered her to crash at my place. Shourya's room is free and it's spacious. She won't have any problem fitting in with her daughter. But she had already rented an apartment in Rajgarh, signed the lease and deposited the advance payment, so I didn't try to talk her out of it.

After a snack break at the canteen, the team retreats to the meeting room and we resume from where we left off. Which was the beginning. We didn't even start honestly.

This time I pay attention to my juniors and we finally have something to work on by the end of the day.

Clocking out at five, I drive towards the airport. I didn't know the terminal she was exiting from so I had to text her husband to share me her flight details. Fifteen minutes later, she's walking out of the doors with her four year old on the side.

I frown seeing Leigh look around for something or someone. She told me she'd hire a cab so who's she looking for?

Masie notices me first.

Smile replaces the frown on my face.

It only gets bigger when the little one snatches her hand out of her mother's hold, startling my best friend in the process and running in my direction. I pick her up and swing her around. Masie throws her hands up in the air, giggling loud enough to attract some fond gazes towards us. Her pigtails sway in the air, hazel-brown eyes sparkle with excitement, and when I set her down on my hip, she wraps her arms around my neck, wringing them tightly. "Missed you so much!"

I chuckle, running a hand up and down her tiny back. As I turn, Leigh is standing next to me, hands on her hips, looking at me like a disappointed parent.

"Don't look at me like that. It's my first time meeting Masie physically instead of on the screen. Couldn't do that when I came to New York because she was at her Nana's place. I couldn't wait any longer." I shrug.

"Me too! Wanted to meet you immediately!" Masie declares, pulling away to look at me. "You're just as pretty! Now I can also touch you." She cups my face with her little hands, her chubby fingers squishing my cheeks together. "So soft. Told you, Mommy! Aunt Sara is a princess! The prettiest!"

"Yeah, yeah, your aunt Sara is the prettiest girl in the world. I get it. Now let's go, I'm tired." Leigh turns around and walks out of the airport.

I follow her, hearing her daughter babble cutely in my ear.

"I wore the dress you sent me last Christmas." She tugs at the frill of her yellow frock with her small fingers. "How do I look?"

"So pretty. Just like a princess!"

She beams. "Mommy, she thinks I look like a princess too!"

"Yeah, you do," Leigh replies sounding bored, busy chatting with someone on her phone.

"Which princess do I look like, Sara?"

"Aunt Sara," Leigh corrects her as we get closer to my car.

Masie snorts. "Yes, Aunt Sara. So which princess do I look like?"

"Hmm," I tap my chin, feigning like the question is worth millions and should be considered thoughtfully before giving an answer, "you look exactly like Belle!" I tug at her brown hair playfully.

Masie gasps, hands covering her mouth. "I do?" She asks softly, eyes wide open, unable to believe me.

"You sure do with your brown hair, captivating hazel eyes and this cute yellow dress!" I peck her cheeks, unlocking my car with the fob.

Leigh shoots me a look of incredulity noticing the booster seat strapped in the backseat. "Seriously? You came prepared, didn't you?"

Chuckling, I buckle her daughter up and press another kiss to her head before closing the door shut, sliding in behind the wheels next. "I did. And it's staying there for the next three months."

Leigh shakes her head slowly, focusing outside the window as soon as we hit the busy roads.

"Put in the address," I jut my chin down at the Google maps on display.

Wordlessly, she types in the address, pressing okay and leaning back in her seat while the application finds the shortest route to her new place.

"Mommy, are we staying with Sara?"

"Aunt Sara, Masie. How many times do I have to tell you that? Do you want mommy's best friend to think she failed to teach Masie how to respect elders?"

"But she's my friend too!" Masie whines.

"I am." I reply, looking into the rearview mirror at Masie. "You can call me Sara, Masie. I don't mind."

"See! Sara doesn't mind!" Masie grumps.

"Fine, do whatever you want." Leigh rolls her eyes, ignoring us for the rest of the drive.

Her behaviour unsettles me. I thought she'd be happy seeing me. If she didn't want me to come, she should have told me on my face. Instead, she made me believe she was caring about my convenience rather than outright clarifying that I was the one inconveniencing her.

We reach her new place, and to my surprise, it's not an apartment but a two storey bungalow located in a posh neighbourhood. I park the car in the driveway, pop open the trunk and we step out of the car. "Leigh," she stops abruptly, waiting for me to speak further. "If I'm bothering you, I'll leave."

"No!" Masie cries out, hugging my leg tightly.

Ignoring the tiny thing pulling at my heartstrings, I focus on Leigh. "Did I do something wrong?" I ask her when she still doesn't speak, cementing the belief that my presence right now is truly unwanted.

She releases a shaky breath, her eyes darting to my right and I frown, turning my head over my shoulder when I hear the car engine whirring. A familiar Maserati pulls into the driveway. Yuvraaj steps out of the car and I look back at Leigh confused.

She appears guilty. "Not you, I did something wrong."

I gasp. "Did you-" My gaze flies between the two in disbelief as the worst of my thoughts take life. "Oh my God, did you two sleep together?" It hits me in the guts so hard I almost throw up.

"I'm sorry, Sara - WAIT WHAT!?" She screeches loud enough for Masie to stumble back and cover her ears. I flinch physically. "No way I'm sleeping with him! I'd never do that to you! What is wrong with you? Why would you even assume something so horrendous!?"

"I-" I blink, stupefied. "I'm sorry but what else was I supposed to think?"

"That I'd never sleep with your ex-husband? Especially when I'm so much in love with the one I already have?" She flares up in disbelief.

"Sara, I've never had sex with random women in the last fifteen years, let alone do it with your best friend." Yuvraaj speaks as he approaches both of us.

"This is not about you."

"You stay out of it."

Leigh and I speak at the same time.

He scoffs but doesn't say a word of resistance.

"I'm sorry, Leigh. You were acting weird for the last few days. Not a week ago you told me you're moving to India temporarily. Weren't telling me about this "confidential" project you took over. Rented yourself a place outside of the city when you know you're always welcomed at my place. Brought Masie along for a temporary project. You didn't even want me to pick you up at the airport. Then you acted like you didn't want me around. Suddenly, he's here and you're admitting to something wrong that you did. What else was I supposed to think?"

She bites her lower lip, looking sheepish. "Yeah, now that makes more sense. I'm sorry. I was just hurt thinking how you could accuse me of something so extreme."

"So, then, what is this about?"

Yuvraaj and Leigh look at each other. "Are you telling her or should I?" She questions.

"I hired her." He looks back at me. "For the palace."

I frown. I don't remember Veer Mahal needing any changes. It looks perfect as ever. "What palace-" then it hits me and my stomach drops. "Rajawat palace?" His gaze flickers to his shoes.

"And you agreed?" I look at my bestfriend, hurt that she hid something so huge from me. "That palace is as good as gone. Why are you wasting your time on it? There's nothing left-"

"That's what you believe. There's hope, Sara," he says softly.

I shake my head. "It's broken," my voice comes out breathy and shaken. "It- it cannot be same."

"If I'm being honest, you're right. It won't be same. But we're trying to save the parts that can be saved. And letting go the ones that cannot be kept anymore. But you don't give up on all that's left for something that's gone." Leigh say firmly.

"Why don't you two understand!?" I grit out, tears brimming the corner of my eyes. "You're giving me a hope!" I hate how easily I cry in his presence lately. As if my body now considers him a safe place. And I find that so fucking disgusting. Whatever has brought that change in me, I want it out of my body. "And that's so cruel of you," I stare into his onyx eyes. "To take something so precious away from me, and then show me the leftover scrapes of it, as if you're getting your forgiveness if you return one percent of something you mercilessly snatched from me! So cruel of you."

"It's not for forgiveness anymore." He shakes his head. "It's for you. I don't care whether you forgive me or not. I only care about giving you everything that's in my reach. I'd starve myself to feed you, Sara, burn this flesh to keep you warm, and drown myself to keep you afloat." He confesses. "I want to do this, Sara. And I want you to have the hope that I'll make it happen. You know me. I don't ever disappoint my responsibilities."

I suck in a deep breath. "I'm not marrying you if that's what you're doing this for."

"That has nothing to do with the palace." He states.

"Marriage? What? You asked her to marry you?"

"It's a long story." He mutters.

"Well, I have time."

"I don't." He snaps her shut.

She scrunches her nose in annoyance, "Come here, Masie, let's go see the house." She beckons her daughter close.

"You coming?" Masie asks me nervously.

I sniffle, plastering a smile on my face before nodding at her. "You go first."

She skips to her mother's side and the two walk inside the house. I look back at Yuvraaj. "For a man who hated consequences, you sure are making a lot of wrong decisions lately."

He hums, walking up to me, stepping so close if our feet were bare our toes would have touched. I feel the breath leave my mouth. "There are a thousand consequences I'll have to face if I choose you, but only one if I don't. You want to know what it is?"

"What?" I whisper.

"Losing you." He reaches for my face. I recoil automatically. His jaw hardens and he drops his hand back to his side, defeated eyes coming back to meet mine. "But I'd rather suffer those thousand consequences all my life than live through the regret of the one where I didn't choose you. Because I'll choose you, Sara. Everytime. Until there are no choices left. Until there's no me left."